Cognitive Hallucinations

This blog has been [fused]...

2010-01-08T21:29:00.000-08:00

This blog has moved. You can now find it here:

whatiscolor:part1:conceptredefined

2009-10-03T17:33:00.000-07:00

So I decided to try painting. Meisha did too -hopefully we'll be graced with her amazing talent soon (no kidding, she's quite amazing). I've never really painted (aside from a random fingerpainting night) and found it ridiculously enjoyable. I have a feeling there will be many more to come. Also, the quality of the pics kinda suck -I have no idea how to take pictures of paintings. I think it looks a lot cooler in person, so if you want to see it, you actually have to hang out with me at my house.

For more detail, go here ------> http://su.pr/2Ez5Fj

This is a video. Watch it. Enough said.

2009-09-05T16:00:00.000-07:00

A storm's a brewin'.....

2009-09-04T01:50:00.000-07:00

Watch for the ripples ;)

What do you see?

2009-08-27T23:33:00.000-07:00

Found this video and thought it to be extremely cool. Good timing and made me feel better about life :) No clue how he did this, but I like it. Just a reminder for the forgetful, remember to turn off the music player on the right. Also, full screen mode is recommended. Hehe.

Reality of Mine

2009-08-23T01:23:00.000-07:00

It seems I felt a need to do a little inner self exploration and a lot of self-bashing. If you prefer not to read someone else's negative self talk and profanity, just don't read this post. Have a lovely day.

Somehow I find myself experiencing a great self-loathing at this moment. And for some reason, it seems I feel the need to share that feeling of self-loathing with the "world".

The problem I seem to be facing is that I've devoloped the incredible gift of "bullshitting". Lately, my life seems to have been fueled by a continual addiction to self improvement. I've spent much of the last year and a half in a very selfish place. I've burned myself out on "self help" books. I've tried to understand the universe and everything in it. I've even convinced myself that I've created my universe and everything in it. I've tried so hard to "fix" myself that I've fucked up almost every other aspect of my life.

I can't be honest with anyone, including myself. Part of the reason for the bullshit and lack of honesty is simply because I don't know what the truth is. Somehow I think if I continually look within, I'll eventually "find" myself. Because I don't know who I am or what I'm really about or what I really want, I simply bullshit my way through it. I come up with a new project and a new way to work on myself. I tell myself "This is what I want and who I want to be." Only to wake up the next day or week or month or year realizing two things: 1) I'm not anywhere close to being on that path I'd previously chosen for myself. 2) I've once again morphed into a completely different person and don't want to be on that path anymore. And my life changes all over again. Every time I tell other people or myself I want to change or be someone or something else it's always true. At least at that time. Hence the bullshit. Towards myself and any other person dragged into my drama.

My perpetual self-loathing is driven by the fact that I don't ever think of anyone besides myself. My primary thought in any action I take always seems to be "How will this affect me?" or "How can I gain from this particular situation?" I'm sorry.

I have an incredible desire to be there for others, but where does it come from? Most of the time, I think it's simply so I can be the fucking "hero". It seems I only like to help others so I can receive further self-fulfillment through the praise of those around me. I like to get attention. Way more than I like to give it. The rediculous part about my desire to be there for others is the fact that I continually fail at "being there" for the most important person in my life because I always seem to be focused on being there for everyone else, no matter how fake I have to be, just so I can receive my fulfillment.

I withhold opinions. This is done for one or both of two reasons: 1) I tend to allow others to do the thinking for me and don't ever allow myself to think and have an opinion unless I've stolen it from someone else's free thinking. 2) I don't allow myself to be "myself". I cater my opinions based on those around me. This is why most of my family may never know me. I don't think I'll ever be able to have a fully honest conversation with most of my family because I will always have to adjust my language and voiced opinions in a manner that is "non-offensive". I don't enjoy offending others. This is in large part why I flat out avoid it.

I don't really know why I'm typing this and can't really even tell if it feels good to release these thoughts. I don't even know if all these thoughts are really even mine. I should be sleeping. I was extremely tired. Now, who knows.

I find that I become uncontrollably tired during situations in which full communication is required. I will literally fall asleep while standing or sitting up. My eyes become so dry and so heavy that it becomes fully impossible to keep them open. My mind shuts down. My body shuts down. Most of the time these times involve a conversation about someone besides myself. Do other people just bore me? The way to wake myself up- change the subject. To something about me. How sick is that? Am I really that self-obsessed? It would appear so.

I've recently made one of the biggest decisions of my life and it seems I can do nothing but put up road blocks for myself. I start to move in the right direction, then I resist. Sometimes it seems completely within my control and entirely my choice to do such a thing and other times it seems I subconsciously create situations. I am the greatest inhibitor of my growth and forward progression. I like to see myself as fully committed to my cause, but I can't think of the last time I fully committed to anything and succeeded. I would like to be an entrepreneur and an artist and a writer and a web designer and a graphic design and a professional skier and a musician and a world traveler and the list goes on and on, but I haven't fully succeeded in any of those things. I'm starting to lose faith in myself.

I don't think I'm looking for pity or advice here. I think I'm hoping that by releasing my bullshit into physical form, I will free it from within and move on, but who knows. Maybe I'm just stirring the pot.

Demon Kidnappers and Such

2009-07-31T01:01:00.000-07:00

Just watched this cool movie on Netflix called Kakurenbo. Beautifully animated, great idea and a good one to watch when you've only got a short attention span (it's only 25 min.). If you have a Netflix account, go here sometime and check it out. Well worth the watch.

Also, I know I've been pretty much MIA from the blog world as of late. Watch for my return some time, some place. I'll sneak up on you when you least expect it. Muahahahahahaha.

Lonely Zion Adventure Day

2009-06-09T16:40:00.001-07:00

So I ended up alone on Sunday. I asked myself "What do I want to do with my alone time?" I decided to hike miles upon miles in Zion. Some of it in the (very) dark. I also decided to chronicle my little adventure. Once it got dark, I thought to myself "It's a full moon. It will be bright outside." I thought wrong. The moon doesn't come out till really late in Zion and Angel's Landing is a little sketchy coming down in the dark. But I'm alive and typing. So... look at a slide show if you want. I took quite a few pics, so you might want to look at it when you're bored. Or you might want to look at it if you want to procrastinate. It's up to you. And sorry for all the cheesy pics of myself taken by myself. My mom says just nature pictures are boring. "They need people in them." She says. So Mom, there's people in these nature pictures.

The Vibram Experiments - Part 3 - Pine Creek

2009-05-31T19:30:00.000-07:00

We actually had a real adventure today! We hiked (and swam and rappelled and climbed) Pine Creek in Zion today. May I be the first to say that I feel my (and especially Meisha's) hardcore level jumped a few notches today. Ok, so I'm not really that cocky, but we really had a lot of fun and the sights we saw today were absolutely breathtaking. Because we were swimming and in water most of the time, we could only take a cheap little disposable camera. So sorry, the pictures are quite poor and grainy. We'll have to figure a way to get the good camera through next time. Either way, without further adieu, the pics:

Meisha. Posing. Before things got cold and wet.

This is Kevan. He works with me. At Stephen Wade. He's doing something with the rope. I believe I took this picture because the sunlight in front of him looked much cooler in person.

Meisha and me trekking through the waters, looking as official as possible.

Here we are again, making a bold attempt to show off our coolness.

Meisha. Fresh after a very nice rappel. She came down from up where the light is shining through. I took some really amazing shots of her coming down, but alas, it was too dark and they didn't turn out :(

This is Kevan again. He standing found the only patch of sunshine and is desparately trying to warm up. That water was seriously cold.

This is the last rappel out of the 6 or so (can't quite remember) that we did. It was awesome. 80 foot freefall into a really cool cavern. I wish I would have taken some pics from the top. You're literally coming of the top blind and don't see what you coming in to until you drop in.

Here's Meisha again. Exhibiting her amazing rappelling skills.

Me. Looking very excited. The hike out was not nearly as fun and exciting. Still, some very cool scenery and I picked up a sweet sunburn on my neck.

That's it. Thanks for looking =}

Namaste.

Happy (LATE) Mother's Day.

2009-05-28T19:20:00.001-07:00

I drew (or painted or manipulated or discombobulated or something) this picture and framed it for my Mom for Mother's Day. I know it's a little late, but hey, we just saw her last weekend and gave it to her then so it's ok, right? Right.

WOOD. Watch. Now. Yes. You.

2009-05-28T18:58:00.000-07:00

Found this video today. Seriously...... frickin'...... awesome.
(Don't forget to turn my blog's music player off before you watch it. It might be an all-too-interesting meshy montage of music).

Enjoy.

The Vibram Experiments - Part 2 - Angel's Landing

2009-05-13T15:45:00.001-07:00

Hey there everybody! I'm back with another grand adventure! This morning I decided to put my new goofy shoes to the test and hike Angel's Landing in Zion. If you got too scared by the rappelling pics, you might want to stop scrolling - Dallin, you might to triple unpeel you eye lids. Without further delay, here are some cheesy cell phone (didn't bring the good camera) pics for you eye balls to feast upon:

Here's what Angel's Landing looks like from the ground

Looking off a little more than half way up.

Taking a sit and chill break just a little before the top.

A view looking back on were I'd come from (you hike right along the ridge next to the cliff).

Here it is! The top! (insert ominous choir sounds here)

Ridiculous self portrait attempt #1 (Unsuccessful)

Ridiculous self portrait attempt #2 (Semi-successful)

Looking over the edge from the top.

Some nice European girls played "You take my picture, I'll take yours." with me. This is the result.

You made it! And you're in one piece. You didn't fall! You and I are now both better people.

And there you have it! The thrills, the chills, the smiles, the feet. Thanks for coming along with me on the pictorial reenactment. I sure have had fun. How about you?

P.S.- I did the whole hike in 2.5 hours (total up and down). I share this fact with you because it makes me feel special. And hardcore. And..... I guess that's it.

The Vibram Experiments - Part 1 - Rappelling

2009-05-10T12:21:00.000-07:00

So I'm planning on doing a canyoneering hike in Kolob Canyon in a few months with Kevan (a coworker of mine). It will consist of rappelling down waterfalls, jumping off cliffs, swimming, lots of hiking and a rope climb up a 400 foot cliff to get out. Exciting much? Yes.

Well Kevan invited us to do a practice run at Red Cliffs today and I thought it would be the perfect opportunity for us to test out our new Vibrams (funky monkey toe shoes). All I can say is that they are fantastic! They grip the rocks unbelievably well and really make it fun.

And guess what? We took pictures! Go figure. Here they are. Look at them. Now. If you're not scared.Me on top of a cliff. Do I look good?

Here I go.

Aaaawwww. Look at Meisha in here funky monkey feet. :)

She's so hardcore. Notice the little people standing on the road below. It give a good idea of how high we were.

Meisha. Workin' it like a pro.

Hey! This is fun? Who woulda thought?

Still so hardcore.

About 2/3 of the way down.

Did I just come down that?

Practicing the rope climb. I was tired after 10 feet. On the big hike I get to do 400. Workout time anyone?

Trying to look like a pro rock climber. Did it work?

That's it. Thanks for looking.

4 AM Rant?

2009-05-06T03:43:00.000-07:00

I would.

If I could.

But I'm tired.

So I'm going to bed.

This is all you get.

Good night.

Or morning?

:P

PLUS:

Check out the band playing on my playlist.

They're called Agalloch.

I like em.

However,

If you're going to listen to the song,

You must have at least a 9 minute attention span.

OR

You must open a new tab and allow the song to play

While you sooth your ADD.

With me.

And the song.

Don't worry.

We'll get through it together.

It'll be OK.

Manwaring Family Weekend!

2009-04-21T12:15:00.001-07:00

Free website - Wix.com

The Ponchos Were My Favorite

2009-04-15T16:47:00.001-07:00

So I had a birthday and got older. In honor of the annual celebration of the day of my birth, Meisha and I spent a lovely afternoon in Zion. I thought I'd share a few of those wonderful memories with you here. But first, we also took a (very) quick visit to Snow Canyon on Sunday. Those pics come first. Be patient. There aren't too many. Then you get to enjoy staring at the wholesome goodness that was our Zion birthday happy fun time afternoon.

Petrified Sand Dunes in Snow Canyon. You can walk all over them. Hehe.

Meisha smiling =)

After Meisha smiled, she decided she didn't want to anymore.

But I found an egg. This made everything better. It had 2 quarters (50 cents) in it. I kept the quarters. I actually found a few more eggs with some delicious chocolate candies in them. I left them so someone else could enjoy the chocolates. I decided not to be greedy and only enjoy the money.

As a result of my generosity, the Karma Gods bestowed upon me the finding of another great gift- a beautiful Barbie comb. I beautified my hair and left this for another happy stranger to find as well. Ah, I love me some good karma.

and now....

the moment you've been waiting for...

Zion.

We started off by walking down a trail. My mom gave us directions, but either they weren't any good, or we (I) can't take directions. Either way we found some neat things on the trail. I've decided to share some of those things in the pictures below. Read on.

I'm not sure if you would call the thing I have for trees a fetish or an obsession. By the dictionary defintion, I guess I would say obsession.

Meisha took a moment to look at the big rocks. I took a moment to take her picture.

Then I decided to test out the timer function on the camera. Looks like it worked.

I found a creepy little tree/bush off the side of the trail. I decided that the best thing to do with this creepy tree/bush was to crouch under it and look creepy. So I did.

We were both feeling quite poopy, and almost left. We decided instead to suck it up and go hike Emerald Pools. It's a good thing we did. Things got better from there.

It's hard to look gansta and kissy-faced all at the same time, but somehow we pulled it off.

This is us... looking super cool under a waterfall at Lower Emerald Pools.

This is what Meisha looks like when she takes a break.

This is what I look like when I take a break.

So I was in the process of taking a super awesome ominous dark and cloudy cliff action picture when a rain drop came along and screwed it all up.

I decided to show Meisha "My Spot" at the Middle Emerald Pools. We decided it was prime time for yet another photo opportunity.

This is the trail leading to The Grotto. We were going to do that hike too, but we decided that we'd save it for another trip. We got an annual pass and didn't want to burn up all the good hikes too quickly =)

This is us... standing in the rain.

This is me... standing on a tree. As happy as can be. Can't you see?

Meisha decided the best thing to do at this particular moment would be to show off her rainy hair-do. So she did. And I took a picture. Here it is. Do you like it? I do.

Then we hiked up to the Upper Emerald Pools. At these pools, water falls. It falls off of rocks. It lands on the ground. It gathers into a pool. The pool is green (or emerald). Now you know. Go there some day. See for yourself. Or don't. It's up to you.

In this picture we are standing atop a rather large cliff. Looking hardcore. Because we are. Hardcore. And then we hiked some more.

These people don't know it, but I snapped some super top secret cell phone pics of them. Because I loved their ponchos. There were lots of people who seemed to be very scared of the slight drizzle of rain coming down upon us. Maybe they thought it would get worse. Maybe they thought they just looked cool. Maybe there was a guy standing at the bottom of the trails with gold teeth and he would open up his trench coat to reveal a plethora of ponchos in all shapes, sizes and a variety of colors. Maybe this man made a lot of money from these unsuspecting tourists. Maybe he didn't. Maybe.

The ponchos were my favorite.
P.S. If this just wasn't enough fun for you, maybe you'll have fun looking at the --->ENTIRE ALBUM<--- from the day. (For those of you who need help, you have to click the words between the ---> and the <--- to go there. They're in red. You can't miss 'em. Try it. You'll have fun. It's better than Christmas.

Just one "Must Have"

2009-04-08T14:24:00.000-07:00

It's not all that often that I come across a particular thing that I feel like I absolutely tremendously desire. The above item is one such thing. These have to be the coolest shoes I have ever seen. I am definitely going to find a way to get these. Seriously, how can you not want a pair?

Thank you! Thank you!

2009-04-01T14:08:00.000-07:00

I had a birthday gift show up in the mail yesterday. Meisha said it wasn't supposed to get here so soon, but she was so excited, she couldn't wait and keep the secret, so she had me open it. Inside was this book from my dear friends. I'm so ridiculously excited to read this and oogle the amazing pictures of Alex Grey for hours on end. So THANK YOU THANK YOU Dallin and Nadya! It means a lot to me.

Zion Trip with Dallin and Seth

2009-03-23T18:37:00.000-07:00

We had a really amazing trip. Had some good hikes, good talks, good relaxation, good contemplation, and got to wear some really killer hats. I had a lot of problems with the focus on my camera, so sorry about a lot of them being fuzzy. Maybe it adds to the effect of the picture, yes? There's a lot of pics here, so if you find the slideshow taking too long, you can GO HERE for the full gallery. Enjoy.

Balloons and Self-Preservation

2009-03-13T12:01:00.000-07:00

I see "lots" of balloons and "lots" of cars, but no people?

This sale is Rockin'!!

I know I just posted something talking about how I don't like to talk about the car business and here I am, doing it again. I was out taking pictures for my other blog and realized a (maybe) sad thing. I'm witnessing the death of the car business. The business is lying on it's back, grasping for air and puking blood that looks like red and white ballons and a cheesy "Rockin" banner. Sales like these really feel like that final desperate act of self-preservation. I'm hoping that the death of the car business is a good thing. I hope it means evolution. I think there are a lot of "factors" that play into the car business being an "evil" or "dishonest" business. I like to call those factors "people". There are a lot of ruthless people in this world and a lot of them sell or work for car companies. I hope that their death brings about their evolution. I really do. Not because I'm going to stay in the car business and want it to be a pleasurable experience, but because I think humanity as a whole needs to evolve or die. I hope this recession is the beginning of the death of humanity and society as we know it. I'm tired of things the way they are. I want to evolve. I want to be reborn out of my own smoldering ashes (and I'm starting to feel pretty damn ashy). I don't know if I can fucking take it any more. I don't know if I can sit back and listen to another fucking speech beginning with "In these tough times....." Fuck that. Just be what and who you want to be and do what you want to do. Stop looking for an excuse. Stop waiting for that "one thing" to push you the extra step to begin being yourself and just push yourself. Obviously I'm talking to myself here as much as anyone. Thanks for reading.

Have a beautiful day.

Just trying to understand people.

2009-03-13T10:46:00.000-07:00

People are interesting. And the way people go about trying to accomplish certain tasks is even more interesting. Sometimes I hate talking about the car business, but it's an unavoidable part of my life for now and I found this situation strange:

A small Japanese woman with a cane walks into our dealership last week. The funny thing is that this woman is the type that everyone knows that from the minute she walks in, she's here to play hardball. It emanates from her. She spends time with her salesman (not me) and seems to find some kind of thrill in making him run to and from different cars, pull them up, open them up only to say "I don't like that one." They find a car that "kind of" works and sit down to figure out the payments. This woman proceeds to tell the salesman "You have 2 minutes and then I'm out of here." The salesman scrambles to try and get the figures in time, but she sticks by her word and at the exact 2 minute mark, stands up and starts hobbling out of the dealership. The manager runs out and begs her to stay. She says "Ok, fine. 2 more minutes. BUT THAT'S IT." They scramble to put together the price. They run out as she's standing up again, show her the price and she says "Ok, thank you." and leaves without buying the car.

Here's where it gets interesting:

This woman uses a fake name and "secretly" shops me on the internet to see if she can really get the best price. She proceeds to email back and forth with me for several days and several times a day to milk every bit of information possible from me. Once the week of emailing is through, she calls me for for a few more brief questions, but blocks her number so I can't call back. The crazy part is that this woman just went through this entire process to save less than $200 from the price she was originally given in the dealership. The even crazier part is that this woman bought the car from another dealership to save $200 more (We were selling the car at $200 over cost. I told her that and told her I thought it was fair. The other dealership sold the car at cost and didn't make anything).

The psychology of people when negotiating intrigues me. Just when I think I'm starting to understand a little, I realize I may never understand. Party because everyone is different and partly because when people want a good deal they can truly act insane.

I would like everyone to know that life doesn't have to be that hard. You don't have to spend a week of your time and everyone else's time to save a few hundred dollars. If you want a good deal on something Google it. You really can find just about anything you want there. And if you find yourself paying $400 too much for a $25,000 car, it's ok. Life will not end. You won't miss the money and probably won't know you even spent it. Don't stress. Be happy. That's it.

Logo Redesign

2009-03-05T14:47:00.000-08:00

After some great design advice from Nadya, I've done some redesigning. Here are the new logos.

A little help, please.

2009-03-04T18:58:00.000-08:00

Well I've got a business name and a website. I need some feedback. Let me know what you think about the logos and taglines below. Any design tips or feedback would be much appreciated. And it's OK to be as critical as you want. I just want honest feedback.

If you're curious, my website is www.desigmotion.com. Check it out if you'd like. It's pretty much just a temporary contact page for now. I'll get the real site up as soon as I get caught up on the other sites I'm doing.

Logo #1
Tagline #1

Logo #2

Tagline #2

Thanks.

About Bunnies

2009-02-25T18:40:00.000-08:00

When Nadya asked me to draw a picture of an evil bunny, it got me thinking. I knew one day I would have to dig deep within myself and overcome my morbid sexual fear of them. With that in mind I accepted the challenge. I sat in dark rooms, dark corners, and dark closets just waiting. Suddenly, there he was. That little bastard showed his face just long enough for me to get a good look..... and back into the shadows of the night. And here he is. I feel a little more comfortable around bunnies now, but still can't help but cover my privates -just in case.

Blindness

2009-02-25T12:35:00.000-08:00

Meisha and I just watch this movie last night. It really got me thinking a lot. I've never seen an epidemic movie done quite this way. It explores a lot of the types of theories and ideas found in Lord of the Flies. I found myself enjoying the hell out of it, yet hating it and being disgusted all at the same time. It made me think about order, and how we as a human race need it. It made me really start to wonder about "true" human nature and what that meant. It made me wonder what I would be like and who I would be like in the movie had I been thrown into such a situation. Would I be a leader? Would I be a follower? Would I be an asshole? Would I have died.... or killed myself? I love movies that lead to more questions and inspire independent thought.

This is one of them.

2009-02-23T16:32:00.000-08:00

A boring rainy day at work combined with a lack of willingness to move due to a sore back caused this picture to come into creation. It's me(if you couldn't tell). I feel funny drawing myself. You'd think I should know the look of my face better than anyone seeing as how I see it in the mirror everyday, but it's quite weird trying to think about how I look while drawing. By the way, Sleeping with Ghosts makes a good soundtrack to a good drawing session.

That's probably it for today.

My New Life

2009-02-23T11:26:00.000-08:00

Zip jacket up.
Backpack on.
Headphones in.
Crank Things Falling Apart and grin.
Glove one, glove two and feel the leather wrap around the handle bars.
Feet to pedals and I'm off.
I instantly feel the rain hit my checks and begin to run down.
As The Great Collapse gets going, I pedal harder and realize I'm passing all the cars.
Enter parking lot.
Weaving through pillars coming within inches.
Peppers of red and green, onion, cheese, ranch and drinks.
Jamming as I walk through the aisles, flashing strange people with my even stranger smile.
Food to backpack.
Glove one, glove two.
Enter the pillar slalom. Even faster this time.
Skidding around the corner and down the road.
Thighs burn.
Pushing harder through the rain.
Pushing harder through the pain.
And home.
This is my new life.
And I love it.

Santo Jorge de la Gordo

2009-02-19T00:37:00.001-08:00

So I took on what I thought was a "little" Photoshop tutorial. After hours upon hours of learning and hundreds upon hundreds (literally) of layers. Here he is! In all his sweaty glory. Introducing.....

Santo Jorge de la Gordo!

For a bigger version, go to my deviantART page.

Ole!

Me? A Web Designer?

2009-02-12T13:22:00.000-08:00

So I just officially finished a web page for my first real paying customer. I guess that makes me a web designer, maybe? I've got a few more customers already lined up, so hopefully there will be many more to come. I've got to think of a company name so I can make my own page for a portfolio as well. So far I'm stuck on Onetool Design. I'm not sure if I like it, I'm not sure if I don't . Your suggestions are very welcome. So yeah, click on the link below and check the site out. Don't blame me if you don't like the pictures, I just went with what the customer wanted. Have fun. Thanks for looking. C-ya.

www.master-arbor.com

I'm a doodler

2009-02-05T16:07:00.001-08:00

I doodle constantly. All day. It helps me stay focused. Weird, I guess, that drawing keeps me focused on what someone is saying as opposed to actually looking at the person or whatever it is that other people do to focus. Either way, I usually just chuck the doodles, never to be seen by a soul other than myself. Seems kind of pointless. Kind of. I guess it helps me listen and therefore serves a purpose. I had a particular amount of fun drawing this one in sales training earlier today. I happened to look at it just barely and said to myself:

"Hey! I have a blog. Why don't I just throw this little doodle of mine on my blog? "

After that, I said to myself: "You're right. Put it on there. You need something to do to occupy your mind for a minute anyways."

So now I have a doodle on my blog. There it is. Have a good day. Be happy. I'm sure as hell trying. May my Maxima R.I.P.

I didn't get it

2009-02-03T18:05:00.000-08:00

So I was super excited to watch this movie last night. Previews looked bad ass. Plus I pretty much love anything that Tarantino is involved in. Quite frankly, I just didn't get it. Some really cool scenes, cool visuals and the violence was quite neat-o. It just really didn't come together for me in the end. Maybe I needed to be under the influence of something other than a greasy In-N-Out burger and the large plate of veggies I ate to combat said burger. Maybe I'll watch it again some time and it will all make sense.

That's all for now.

I'm still a skier

2009-01-30T13:02:00.001-08:00

Sitting on the lift, freezing, staring at my skis. You can't beat that feeling.

Seriously frickin' cold. Shaking from wind, snow, cold. Ice up my ass. I look like Rudolph. My big red nose showing to light my way. I'm feeling old and sore. My back hurts, my legs are shaking and feel like a combination of jello and wet noodles. I have a headache from the night before that I just can't kick and my previously blown-out and surgically modified knee is swollen to the size of a grapefruit. You can't see more than 20 feet in front of you because of fog and clouds. Bumps in the snow jump out of nowhere cuz the light is so flat. Seriously, the snow STINGS. It's so cold and so windy, the snow feels like thousands of tiny needles on my skin. And I LOVE IT. Every minute of it. I can't get enough. This is one of the happiest miserable days of my life. I love the feeling of the poles in my hands, fingers squeezing in sheer anticipation. I love sitting on the lift, looking down on what I can see, picking my line, looking for jumps, visualizing my movements, breathing every bit of it in. I love moving through the trees so quickly that a wrong turn could kill you. Seriously, Sunny Bono died on the same run at the same resort by hitting a tree. Well I say "fuck you, trees" and ski through them as fast as I can. There's something about being airborn, too. My knee was so swollen than I couldn't spend as much time in the air as I wanted to, but what a feeling. I love skiing. I will ski more. It's crazy. I used to ski over 100 days a year. Did it 5 years in a row. Skied around 80 days a year the previous 3. Now I ski 2. Something must change. I am a skier. I realized that more than ever this last weekend. It's one of the few things in life I can say I'm truly passionate about. So I am here to say to skiing "I will get you and you can't run from me. You can't escape me and I can't escape you. We are soulmates and that will never change." Next time will be even better.

My best Rudolph impression.

Leggo My Ego

2009-01-21T19:35:00.000-08:00

I'm trying to finish a book. It's taken me way too long to get through it and I'm not really sure why because I LOVE IT. It's a short, easy book and I'm just not done. Maybe it's Resistance at it's best (read the book and you'll know what I mean). Either way, I got to this section today that defines the ego and the self. It really illustrates a hell of a lot of my inner battles I've been dealing with over the last several months. I like to think that when I actually think about life and my philosophies, I identify much more with my Self. But somehow a lot of the nasty parts about my Ego keep creeping in. One day I'll find a balance. Anyway here it is:

Here's what I think. I think angels make their home in the Self, while Resistance has its seat in the Ego.

The fight is between the two.

The Self wishes to create, to evolve. The Ego like things just the way they are.

What is the Ego, anyway? Since this is my book, I'll define it in my way.

The Ego is that part of the psyche that believes in material existence.

The Ego's job is to take care of business in the real world. It's an important job. We couldn't last a day without it. But there are worlds other than the real world, and this is where the Ego runs into trouble.

Here's what the Ego believes:

Death is real. The Ego believes that our existence is defined by our physical flesh. When the body dies, we die. There is no life beyond life.
Time and space are real. The Ego is analog. It believes that to get from A to Z we have to pass through B,C and D. To get from breakfast to supper we have to live the whole day.
Every individual is different and separate from every other. The Ego believes that I am distinct from you. The twain cannot meet. I can hurt you and it won't hurt me.
The predominant impulse of life is self-preservation. Because our existence is phsical and thus vulnerable to innumerable evils, we live and act out of fear in all we do. It is wise, the Ego believes, to have children and carry on our line when we die, to achieve great things that will live after us, and to buckle our seat belts.
There is no God. No sphere exists except the physical and no rules apply except those of the material world.

These are the principles the Ego lives by. They are sound principles.

Here's what the Self believes:

Death is an illusion. The soul endures and evolves through infinite manifestations.
Time and space are illusions. Time and space operate only in the physical shpere, and even here, don't apply to dreams, visions, transports. In other dimensions we move "swift as thought" and inhabit multiple planes simultaneously.
All beings are one. If I hurt you, I hurt myself.
The supreme emotion is love. Union and mutual assistance are the imperitives of life. We are all in this together.
God is all there is. Everything that is, is God in one form or another. God, the divine ground, is that in which we live and move and have our being. Infinite planes by the spirit of God.

I most definitely recommend reading this book. I think anyone trying to find motivation in creativity, work, life, relationships, etc. can find some solace in the book.

Maybe one day I'll actually figure myself out.

A Friendly Holiday Reminder

2009-01-16T15:45:00.001-08:00

I've been playing around with Photoshop and my tablet today and thought I would remind everyone of the upcoming holiday season. I hope it helps. =)

Piercing Pic for Nadya

2009-01-14T17:09:00.001-08:00

Here it is! The infamous piercing! It's not a very good pic, but I realized I had one so I thought I might as well post it here. I'll take a ridiculously cool artistic pic of it someday and post that instead, but for now, this is what you get.

This is a bonus picture of me drinking "Nuclear Iced Tea". I'm sorry. These pictures come together as one package deal. If you don't like the iced tea pic, close your eyes and scroll past.

That's it. Nothing more.

Behold! Meisha and Her Haircut!

2009-01-12T17:24:00.000-08:00

So Meisha got a haircut (and color and piercing) from a new salon in St. George called Sinful Pleasures. The place was awesome and the people are really cool. They gave Meisha a free piercing with the color, so it all worked out. I know my Photoshop work is crappy, but give me a break. I don't know anything and I did these really fast. Good news! I just got my tablet to work with my laptop, so as long as I can find the time, I might actually be putting some art on my blog. That would be neato mosquito! Right?

Playing with colors and what not

Playing with lighting effects. I tried to make it a little 3D, maybe it worked. I don't know.

Playing with colors again. I really liked the reflection in Meisha's glasses

I think this one is really cheesy, but I like it. Everybody likes an evil Meisha

Playing with some filters and stealing art from Giger. I hope he doesn't come kill me in my sleep

We hope you enjoyed the show

LIVE! Fingerpainting update

2009-01-11T22:39:00.000-08:00

This is the second and final section of LIVE fingerpainting on Cognitive Hallucinations. We hope you enjoyed being completely up to date on all the shenanigans taking place. We also hope you enjoy the rest of the pictures.

My finished fingerpainting

Meisha's finished fingerpainting

Moving to clay sculptures! Yeah!

Halftime show by Meisha

Meisha striking a pose during halftime! Oooohhh sexy!

My beautiful sculpture

His name is Larry

He likes batteries. But he had an accident

Meisha close up. Just for embarrassment

Building Larry. He used to have a hat. I didn't like it.

I sure have enjoyed sharing all the fun times with all the (probably 2) people reading this. I intended it to be entertaining. I hope it met all me intentions. Have a fantastic evening!

LIVE! Fingerpainting!

2009-01-11T21:17:00.000-08:00

This will be the first ever LIVE post on Cognitive Hallucinations! We will be posting pictures LIVE as this world changing event takes place. Not that anybody is really sitting around waiting for live pictures, but it's something fun to do while you're under the influence of .....uh ......Red Bull and stuff. So enjoy! The first ever LIVE post. Wow!

Preparing some drinks in already drunk vision

Getting ready to fingerpaint!

Red Bull! Mandatory to any fingerpainting session

AAAAAAArrrrrrrrrggggggghhhhhh!

Oooohhhhhhhh! Painty hands!

Meisha got a little carried away with her painting

Me....... fingerpainting. Oh yeah!

Meisha. Very deep into painting her flowers

My picture

I actually put some of this on my finger and sucked it off. Gross. But it KIND OF actually tasted like peanut butter. I really kick ass.

Darkly. With peanut butter Stuff'N on her nose. I don't think she likes it as much as Moki.

Maybe more to come! Oooooooohhhhhhhhh baby! Enjoy!

Um....... rocks.

2009-01-07T19:16:00.000-08:00

What do you know? I had an adventure today. We decided to take a detour into Moab on our way home and found the detour to be totally worth it. We drove through Arches National Park, saw some big rocks, some arches and a particularly .....uh .....strangely shaped rock. Good times all around. For the all the pictures of our fantabulous road trip home, go HERE.

Pit stop somewhere in Colorado.

Looking as regal as possible atop a snowy cliff.

Standard road trip picture.

Can you see me?

The .....uh ..... rock in question

Ricardo- After he ate shit. There's about a 100 foot drop to his right.

Just me and an arch

Thanks for looking,

Grand Junction and Red Bull

2009-01-07T02:03:00.000-08:00

The Pink Bed

The Pink Lamp

Here I sit in a lovely pink bed. Staring at pink walls. Cocking my head to the side and contemplating a pink lamp. Shaking from too much Red Bull. In a house belonging to people I don't know. In a town I've been to only once before. Grand Junction, Colorado- what an exciting place.

So what does this all mean? It means I sold a car to some people vacationing in St. George and somehow committed to driving a Murano 400 miles in the middle of the night to their home. It's funny. They offered to have us (me and Ricardo- the other salesman involved) stay at their home. I tried talking my manager into paying for a hotel room, but, the car business being what it is, they need to save cost wherever possible, so I find myself here, now, sitting in a pink bed, blogging on my iPhone at 2 AM.

Have you ever offered someone some of your delicious lunch because it was a nice gesture to make but secretly hoped the offered party would turn you down, simply appreciating the gesture made? I think I'm the offered party. The difference is that my manager whispered in my ear "Take the lunch, if you don't, you're going HUNGY". Son of a bitch. Now I'm in a pink bed, eating these poor bastard's lunch.

Don't get me wrong. They are very nice people. And the pink bed is quite comfortable. And the pink walls are quite lovely. And I enjoy contemplating the pink lamp. I just don't want to be the weird bastard in the basement, sleeping in the pink room, eating someone else's delicious lunch.

I'll make sure I don't get crumbs in the bed. Good Night.

Super HOT Picture Action Time and stuff

2009-01-05T13:40:00.000-08:00

We decided we are so dang good looking that we needed to have a photo shoot. So here it is, a photo shoot. Many many thanks to Tif, who was kind enough to take the pictures. For more of Tif's pictures (any maybe to pay her to take your picture :) ) go HERE. NOW. I decided I probably shouldn't be a model, because I can't take a picture without acting dumb or awkward. I picked out a few of the more normal-faced pictures. Either way, here they are. Enjoy.

Thanks for looking.

I'm an Uncle for Real

2009-01-03T14:26:00.000-08:00

So I already have 10 nieces and nephews, but they're all in Meisha's family. It really is weird when it's MY OWN SISTER's baby. I'm a little freaked out, especially since Sara and I are both older and still no kids (besides Moki and Darkly). Either way, it's cool and I'm happy. Congrats, Craig and Savannah.

New Year's Eve 2008

2009-01-02T11:45:00.001-08:00

The World Is Flat

2008-12-26T16:25:00.000-08:00

A friend of mine from AutoTrader shared the video below with me. I found it extremely interesting and it covers a lot of the points expressed in The World Is Flat.

I just recently finished reading (listening to) T he World Is Flat: A Brief History of the Twenty-First Century by Thomas L. Friedman and all I can say is... WOW. The idea behind the book is that the world has really turned into a very level playing field due to advances in computers, internet and technology. In goes into depth as to how easy it really is for someone to outsource anything they need done (in India) or made (in China) and why our society and we as individuals can truly benefit from this outsourcing. It also explores the top ten "flateners" of our time and how they have changed the world as we know it. This book really opened my eyes to the bigger picture of global commerce and how tremendous the possibilities really are for anyone who wants to take advantage of them. Wanna know the craziest thing about this book? It was written OVER THREE YEARS AGO. It's already been revised twice. If you watch the video above, it'll make sense to you as to why I find this so crazy.

Also, we as Americans, have a lot of learning and catching up to do if we want to keep up with emerging global super powers like China and India. For a lighter, easier read with much more detailed instructions on how ANYONE can thrive from the expanding possibilities made possible by the internet, I HIGHLY recommend The Four Hour Work Week by Timothy Ferriss.

Enjoy.

I DIDN'T SIGN UP FOR THIS

2008-12-18T12:55:00.000-08:00

I live in St. George.... or so I thought. I know it's not much snow, but still, I didn't sign up for this. I moved to St. George in part so that I wouldn't have to look at another sight like the one above. But I find myself, yet again, pushing snow off of car after car after car. Wet feet, wet pants.

On the plus side, this SHOULD be the only time I have to push snow this year =) The snow slides right off the cars and will probably be melted by late afternoon. So with that in mind, I pushed snow off of car after car with a BIG WARM SMILE on my face. Now I think I'm going to go enjoy another great part about St. George.... FREE Cappuccinos at the Chevy Dealership.

As for anyone to the cold cold north of me who might be reading this.... ENJOY the snow. =)

Thanks For Meisha

2008-12-17T18:16:00.000-08:00

Meisha, I wanted to let you know that you gave me butterflies. Yes, for the first time in a long time, YOU DID. It wasn't any big action that caused it, you just touched my hand. I don't think I realized how much of the last weekend we went without so much as touching hands until that very moment. I NEVER want to upset you to the point that we don't touch. I'm sorry. Truly. Sorry.

I've learned that I need to be thankful for my mistakes. If I didn't make them, I couldn't learn. I also think it's hard to learn from those mistakes if you're not thankful for the learning experience. Let's just say I haven't been thankful enough. I learned some very new very horrible feelings this weekend. I never thought I would be grateful to learn horrible feelings but I am.

I spent most of the weekend feeling sick and sad inside. I'm still learning to recognize feelings and connect with them, so I spent most of my time crying inside. I know tears don't belong on the inside and someday that will change. But when you fingers touched mine after such a long drought, my heart jumped. I felt all light headed and floaty (in a really, really good way). At that moment, I just wanted to hold you. I want to remember that feeling. I LOVED IT. I haven't been open to feeling it enough and I thank you for helping me to feel it.

I want to thank you for being you. You truly amaze me. We talk about the respect we have for people who stay true to themselves. I can't tell you how much I admire you for being that type of person. Don't ever change who you are, for me or anyone else. Thank you for your patience and thank you for your insight. I don't know how you do it, but you always see things for they way they really are. I always find myself caught up in a situation and thinking about it from the inside of the circle. You have a gift to observe from the outside of the circle and really approach things soundly and logically. I know that doesn't sound like it should be a turn-on, but for an overly-analytical bastard like myself, IT IS (weird, huh?).

Thank you for being my source of strength through the last several months. These are WITHOUT A DOUBT, the toughest times I have gone through in my life (I should probably quit saying that, because tougher times keep coming). I love that you help keep me on track when it comes to talking and thinking positively. IT HELPS, seriously. I really hope all the things I keep reading about tough times making people stronger are right, because I think we're going to be VERY STRONG and VERY SUCCESSFUL someday.

Again, THANK YOU for the butterflies. I needed them. Truly. Now it's my job to figure out how to give them back........

Love,

Religious Views - Part 1

2008-12-10T19:04:00.000-08:00

OK, so I'm feeling like something in regards to religion must be addressed as a first real post for this blog. Religion has played a major role in my life. I was raised in the LDS church. Yes, I was a Mormon (well, technically still am as I haven't had my records removed from the church). Let me firstly preface with this.... Mormons are GOOD PEOPLE. They believe in all the basic principles that any good religious people believe in. I feel they are a very misinterpreted and misunderstood people. With that being said, I do not believe the LDS church is the one and only true church on the face of the earth. In fact, I do not believe that any RELIGION is the one and only true religion on the face of the earth. I believe everybody and nobody is right all at the same time. This is not an attack on religion. This is simply me, sharing my thoughts and opinions. If you're curious, read on.

Reality is what you make it or what you believe it to be, whichever comes first.

One of the things I've been really focused on since I moved to St. George is gaining a greater understanding of what I feel and believe on a spiritual basis. Meisha and I have had a lot of very long talks and done a lot of soul searching on these subjects. We've shared and developed our ideas of spirituality and religion together through these talks and reading and a few movies, actually (See What the Bleep Do We Know!?, Zeitgeist: Addendum, Alex Grey: Chapel of Sacred Mirrors).

Religion vs. Spirituality

The biggest thing I want people to understand is that religion and spirituality are SEPARATE. Religion, in my opinion, is an organized machine designed to keep order within a particular belief system - much like the government. Religion has nothing to do with spirituality. Spirit, by definition is the principle of conscious life; the vital principle in humans, animating the body or mediating between body and soul. Spiritual simply means pertaining to the spirit. This means a person can be completely devoted to their spirit and things of a spiritual nature without giving any credence to a religious system.

My Problems with Religion

The problem I see with with religion is that it forces people to think the same way everyone else in their religion does. If you start to question certain principles within the religion, you are typically shunned and seen as a non-believer. I've raised several questions about certain aspects of the religion I was raised in that seemed to be "unanswerable" questions both by my teachers and my parents. I asked these people: "How can you believe in something when you don't answers to some of the crazy things this church does?". The answer I typically got was "Sometimes you have to let FAITH be the answer. If you feel in your heart that many other things are true about the church, then this particular thing must be right and true as well, regardless of whether it can be answered or not." In my opinion, faith is the quickest way not to think for yourself or question authority.

Call me overly analytical, that's fine. It's my nature and I've come to accept it. The bottom line is that if I have to rely simply on FAITH as my basis for the morally questionable things I've seen a church do, I can't believe in that particular church. To put it in the words of another extended family member when speaking to her son about some of his own personal "unanswerable" questions about the church "Son, sometimes you just have to follow blindly." -baaaahhhh

I also feel that as soon as man gets in the way of true and correct principles, they can be corrupted. For example; there are currently over 38,000 versions of Christianity known today. That means the things ONE person said were interpreted THIRTY-EIGHT THOUSAND different ways. If you are someone who feels that you have found the ONE TRUE interpretation out of 38,000 possibilities, I'm happy for you and I truly hope it works out for you. Now you take those 38,000 separate interpretations, filter in the interpretations of different prophets over the years, teachers and individuals who all share their opinions and interpretations with each other and the variations from the original teaching are INFINITE. It's a telephone game. I prefer to think for myself and come up with my own answers and interpretations to spiritual teachings. I am always willing to hear someones opinions and beliefs and truly hope that I can learn a little from everyone I talk to. I just can't accept these telephone game teachings as "truth".

Religious Leaders

I believe that Jesus Christ was one of the most influential spiritual teachers in the history of the world, but not the actual son of God. I also believe Siddhartha Gautama (founder of Buddhism and supreme Buddha) and Muhammad fit in the same category - great teachers and leaders. These people were very enlightened and each brought with them their own belief system, each system being influential enough to spawn millions (if not billions) of followers over history. I believe that many great lessons and principles can be learned from the teachings of these influential people and all of them have some very good things to say. I still can't feel that only one of their belief systems is "the ONLY true" belief system.

"GOD"

God may end up being an entirely too lengthy idea to fit in just one post, but here goes my cliff notes version: I don't believe in God. I believe you ARE God. I believe I AM God. And I believe WE ARE God. What does that mean? As I mentioned earlier in this post, reality is what you make it (See The Secret, What the Bleep Do We Know!?, Think and Grow Rich, The Jackrabbit Factor, As a Man Thinketh(Click for free download), etc.).

Here is why I believe the concept of "God" works for people:

They have likened him in their own image in order to identify with him. Can you imagine a parent trying to explain to their children when asked about God, "Well, son, 'God' is the all-seeing, all-knowing spiritual and energetic force in the universe from which all things come and all things will eventually return." It's much easier for children and adults to identify with a particular individual who "looks like me, talks like me, walks like me and looks like my great grandpa - just with super powers". Now isn't that concept easier to identify with?

Now, when I say that you are God or I am God, does that mean that we can truly create anything we want with thought? -Yes, it does. Does it mean we can magically create things from thin air? -No. Any great invention or creation in the history of the world started with a single thought. That thought converted to an idea, the idea to action and the action to eventual conception. How many things do you see on a daily basis that you could have never imagined 5 years ago? We truly are Gods (and Goddesses) and have the ability to create ANYTHING we put our minds AND ACTIONS to. So, if we're all Gods and Goddesses, why can't we just have or create anything we want? We can, the problem is that many of us lack the focus it takes to create. If we could all focus perfectly, we could all create perfectly.

Death and Afterlife

A man once came to my porch and asked me a question "Where do we go when we die?". He then said "That certainly is an important question, isn't it (classic salesman tagline when you want someone to agree with you)?" I told him "No." He didn't seem too curious as to why I felt such a way.

Here's why:

Let's say, for example, reincarnation is the one true afterlife. If I believe that instead, I will go to "heaven" when I die, I will still be reincarnated. If I believe that I will end up in one of three kingdoms, possibly to never be with my family again, I will STILL be reincarnated. You see, most of us don't really know what happens when we die. We make educated guesses based on teachings, stories and beliefs. For some, this is a REALLY important question. They can not deal with an "unknown" afterlife. It's not an important question for me. When I die, whatever will happen is bound to happen. I am not going to live my entire life for the next. I am going to live for the life I'm in. I feel if I'm a GOOD person now, whatever happens next will be GOOD. Even if it's nothing at all. I'm comfortable with that.

A Final Word

I don't have any problems with someone who wants to be religious and believe in a religion. As stated above, I'm very open to hearing and discussing their beliefs as I feel we should both be able to grow from the experience. The only thing I ask from them is to hear me out on my beliefs as well. I certainly don't want to offend anyone with my beliefs and I would hope they wouldn't want to offend me either, however, I will not change my beliefs or who I am for someone. If my opinions offend them and they can't deal with it, it's best we not discuss anything. If you've taken the time to read all of this, THANK YOU. I appreciate your interest in my opinion. You are welcome to share yours with me as well. I don't intend to debate, only to learn and grow from and with those who want to learn and grow from and with me.

Highly Recommended Viewing:

What The Bleep Do We Know!?

Zeitgeist: Addendum

Introducing....... me.

2008-12-03T12:34:00.000-08:00

FOREWARNING: I USE EXPLICIT WORDS, IDEAS AND IMAGES IN MY BLOG

So I've decided to start my own blog. I've taken some time recently to take a step back and look at myself online. I wanted to know who I was. After all, I've recently also realized that I haven't the slightest clue who the hell I really am. So I asked myself.... "How can I get to know who I am?" The best answer.... Google myself. After sorting through the first page of the much more famous Josh Manwaring, Idaho Real Estate Agent and enjoying the page of the Australian Josh Manwaring, who isn't shy about his "Aussie fucking pride!", I realized I'm really nothing more than just another douchebag, shirt and tie, buy my shit salesman online.

I don't want to be a salesman. I sell cars for a living and have for 3 years now. I like cars. I like selling them. I just don't like being a "salesman". I just want people to buy what they want and if they want what I'm selling, I'm happy to tell them about it. I hate having to use terms like "If I could (insert ridiculous offer here), could we send you home in this today? (followed by ear-to-ear car salesman grin)" Nobody wants to hear that shit. And aside from cheese-dick slick back plaid suit car salesmen, nobody wants to SAY that shit either. If you like something BUY IT. Don't show up at some car dealership expecting to be sold by some guy you wouldn't trust any more than the weird child molesting bastard down the street. What's the point to all this car sales rambling? Not sure. I just don't like to have to be a typical salesman. It's created who I am today and I'm not sure I like me right now. I have worried about keeping a professional persona on the internet in fear that if I don't, some day, some customer will google me and find out I use the word "fuck" or worse yet, someone might find out that I'm supportive of those who use drugs (as long as they grow in the ground) for recreational and spiritual purposes. I also heavily support gay marriage too, by the way.

I don't care anymore. If a customer doesn't like me and won't buy a car from me based on who I am outside of work, THEY CAN BUY SOMEWHERE ELSE. If I get fired for who I am outside of work, I CAN WORK SOMEWHERE ELSE (or ideally, not at all- more to come on that subject later). I'm just sick and tired of being someone I'm not for the sake of slinging some product to people. I swear, from this day forward, to be myself(whenever I figure that out) at all costs.

To those of you (especially any family members) who are reading this and seeing words you never thought little "Joshy" would type, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I haven't been true to myself around you. I'm sorry that you don't really know the "real me". I don't believe in using offensive language around those whom it bothers, so I don't (usually). If you have read offensive words on this page, understand that it was YOUR CHOICE. I warned you before you read it. I just put the words on the page, I didn't force you to read them. This blog is a depiction of my world how it really is, not the made for TV version. If you are interested in getting to know me, I suggest you follow this blog. I will use this blog to share and discuss things of great importance in my personal life such as relationships, religion, spirituality, money, emotions, art, music and perhaps even the meaning to life :) You might learn something interesting. I might learn something interesting as well and share it with you.

I'm realizing that this post is seemingly very angry. Understand this: I'm angry with myself (and almost over it) about not sharing myself with the world and keeping who I really am bottled up inside only to share bits and pieces with those I am most close with. I am not angry at the world. The world is a beautiful place full of love and possibility if we just choose to see it that way. This is my choice, to see love and possibility.

I hope I can help you see it too. I look forward to you getting to know me getting to know myself.

=Josh=